When Study of God’s Word is a Struggle

I love to study God’s Word. There is little I love more than learning about God and the steadfast relationship He extends to us. This hasn’t always been the case. God’s Word has not always been my go-to for all things “life.” People are quick resources and easier to understand. What I want from people is often a roadmap to God that helps me see and understand Him more clearly. Studying God’s Word is not fast work—it’s hard work. Not only did I not know how to do that work, but I lacked drive and desire to do so. When life is hard I hunger for easy. 

Then 2001 hit. Everything I founded life on crumbled before my eyes. I was reeling from the loss of a relationship and with it my view of self and God was damaged. Hard life questions were wrestled while standing broken and abandoned on the mission field. Most of my life with God to this point had been spent pursuing a love for God. There was a strong desire to serve Him—so why did it seem like the path before me was anything but straight? How could a good God allow such pain into my life? For what purpose and why did God seem silent? My prayers screamed questions up to God as I sat perplexed and spiritually disillusioned. This was a cross-roads, monumental moment of decision for me: either I would trust that God was who He said He was, or I was done with Him. I chose to trust God. My first step in trusting God more fully involved deep-diving into His Word. My hunger to know solid truth and know God more was insatiable. Self-help books, human resources, and counsel all helped, but they fell short of deep comfort. Better understanding myself did not suffice—I needed to understand God more. God’s Word is key to standing firm in faith. 

The book of Job became my close friend. In spite of all Job’s losses, Job’s pain, all Job’s wrestling, Job chose to not depart from God’s Word. Job treasured it more than food to sustain his life. Psalm 119 echos the life-sustaining power of God’s Word as the psalmist cries out;

“My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word (Ps. 119:25).”

When we study God’s Word, we can bring many misconceptions to the table. At times we diminish it’s power to hold life together and keep us. We think scripture is too hard to study, too difficult to understand, too complicated to apply. Life is busy enough and hard enough that there isn’t time enough for it. We wrestle God’s Word when life circumstances go contrary to how we think it should look lived-out in every-day living. I wrongly assumed that if I worked hard enough for God and served well enough then God would smooth my path and remove obstacles. Oh how I was wrong! Being in God’s Word began to reveal how little I truly knew God. If I loved God then I needed to know God—not just know about Him. God wasn’t fire insurance, God and His Word was everything. 

Studying God’s Word can feel more like a struggle than a joy. It’s a discipline, especially on days we don’t feel like it. Studying often forces us to wrestle internally with ways we have misperceived God or perhaps even made a god in our own eyes.  Studying God’s Word gives us a right view of ourselves and a right view of God, re-orienting right living before God. Studying God’s Word isn’t just corrective, or instructive, it is also healing and life-preserving. Though the hard in life is not erased, God’s Word helps peel back the pain to see God with us through it. I will never forget the wave of rock-solid reassurance that washed over me when I read these words from Job, his response to God after all the questions, all the wrestling:

“I had heard of you….but now my eye sees you.” This is the clarity that being in God’s Word gives. God’s Word is life. God’s Word helps us to see. God’s Word instructs, convicts, opens understanding. We may struggle to study God’s Word, but know this: it is the ONE thing you can’t afford not to do. God’s Word is everything and while there is today, now is the time to study it.